Afraid to Ride? Ten Ways to Build Your Courage

The horse world is full of beautiful people, God bless ’em. Books and magazine photos are of lithe bodies in sexy, fringed armitas or show jumping togs. They dream, they achieve through sheer grit and hard work, they go and DO. They are winners.

 

Getting Good at Getting By

 

Many of us strive to be winners, too, but we are different. Our stories have chapters that did not help us along the way. Some of us go on to glory, striking big things off our bucket lists. Some of us have had to rethink the dreams we’ve long held dear.

 

There’s a special something that settles in the gut as we work our way through illness and injury. For many of us, this comes as a surprise. If you’ve never before felt vulnerable or powerless – dare we call it fear – this can rattle you to the core.

 

Finances are another unspoken area that can drain our courage.

 

A few years ago, both my husband and I found ourselves unemployed. We went eight months without a paycheck and I learned of a whole new kind of fear. All of a sudden, my dreams – where I load the nice horse into a safe rig and go down the road in pursuit of a buckle – fell flat. We’re still recovering. It will be a long time before I feel comfortable about bankrolling these old dreams. They now feel pretty shallow and I know I’m not alone in this.

 

I’m also remembering a late night conversation I had with a friend, back when our children were young. She was short-listed to our country’s show jumping team, a huge success earned through nothing but a fire in her belly and the sheer will to win.

 

As she was warming up at a competition, one of the big guns rode by and said, “Good luck out there. Once you gals have kids, you seem to lose all your nerve.” She rode her round with resolve but the callous remark sowed a seed.

 

So this second-guessing is not always about old age or injury. It can creep up on anyone. I’m thinking of a young, accomplished, beautiful woman who is struggling to achieve her dreams, due to chronic illness. Will her dreams still happen, even though her body has changed? I sure hope so. Perhaps our aspirations are like quality clothing, nice now, but even better with a few tucks and alterations.

 

I find that little fears can niggle away at us as we gain life experience. More and more, we’ll be bothered by driving conditions and safety on the road. By the time we get to where we were going, we’ll be exhausted and we’re not even up on our horses!

 

More and more, we’re aware of the stirrup that’s a long way from the ground, the horse that leaves us feeling sore after each ride, the gear that’s in style but just doesn’t feel good on aging bodies. More and more, arthritis, while helped by diet and exercise, wants to be heard.  Sometimes after a long illness or injury, even weight gain, we’ll have a period of time go by without doing any riding. We’re surprised that it can take courage just to mount up again!

 

It is what it is. We belong to a forgotten band of brothers and sisters, those of us who are decades past our ‘best before’ dates.

 

Practical Help is Here!

 

When it comes to horsemanship, when we bring up the subjects of age/fear/illness/injury, we’re told that talking about them is: embarrassing; demeaning to ageing riders; a humiliation to women; another excuse for not being able to achieve in our horsemanship. “Age is just a number”, we’re told, as though our worries are one more thing to be ashamed of. We can lose confidence, self esteem, even our bolder friends.  Keeping your worries locked inside doesn’t help!

 

Instead, here are the ten biggest game changers when it comes to building courage when we ride.

 

1.  Ride the right horse. Too many of us are riding the wrong one! We feel honour bound to keep trying because of money invested, or the animal’s prospects as a performance horse.

 

What we don’t consider is that to reach this potential, our horse or pony needs to be with someone who makes all things possible. If we are worried or fearful, he will be worried and fearful – and we will always hold one another back. If your spirit does not soar when you sit in the saddle, I’m going so far as to say you’re over mounted.

 

2. Find your tribe. Riding alone can chip away at anyone’s confidence.  Riding with people who support your goals, while knowing of your challenges, is huge.  Being able to voice your fears is key to understanding them.  Whether you cheer one another on as you learn to go down the fence on the cow horse, or tackle the toughest trail of the summer, being in a great group will do a lot to bolster morale.  When we’re feeling fragile, it helps to have trustworthy friends.

 

3. Get help. Horse people, by their very natures, are often learning resistant.  They are either embarrassed by having a lot to learn, or they’ve been riding for so long that they feel that ‘they know it all’.  Both ends of the spectrum make it hard to deal with fear issues.  Get thee to a teacher!  Joining a horsemanship group with a knowledgeable, kind coach is key to overcoming just about anything that stands in your way.

 

4. Listen to your gut. The concept of “managing” fear is an interesting one. Keeping it simple, managing our fear depends very much on what is causing it!

 

If fear is about an intimidating jump or learning a new skill, even trying a new horse, then acknowledging the risks and using coping techniques is doable. But if it’s an ongoing fear of our horses, then this fear is telling us that we are unsafe. This fear doesn’t need to be managed; it needs to be listened to.  Rather than ignoring it, really peel off the layers of your fear so that you know its source.  Remember, ‘fear is our wisdom, trying to keep us safe’.

 

The notion of “not riding scared” is not about telling ourselves that we should show no fear! Rather, it is telling ourselves to stop settling, because ONLY a safe horse can put back what an unsafe horse took away. By the way, making allowances for toxic individuals isn’t only a truth in our horsemanship, it’s one that will show up in other relationships, as well.

 

5. Eat well and exercise. As we age, many of us struggle with arthritis or with our weight.  Both will affect our mobility and when this happens, we know that we can’t get out of trouble as easily as we once might have.  While we can never turn back the clock, giving ourselves the gift of wholesome, real food – along with gentle, sustained exercise such as walking, weight training and stretching, will do wonders to helping our bodies cope with riding’s demands.

 

6. Manage your pain. Riding can hurt us and yet, not riding can hurt us more!  If we’re stiff, if we’re guarded in our movements because we’re afraid to hurt, it can cause our horses to tense up and compensate in their own bodies.  They can become crooked and uncomfortable to ride.  It helps to talk to our doctors and see if there isn’t some way to scale down our chronic pain so that riding can still be enjoyed. Even our horses will thank us!

 

7. Use a mounting block.  Don’t be among those who seem ashamed to do so. Horses, once they understand the comfort that comes from not having their riders haul themselves awkwardly into the saddle, are usually happy to sidle up and stand.  Teaching them to remain parked is key to safely starting and ending each ride.  While you’re at it, teach your horses to move into position wherever required: the fence; the fender of the horse trailer; the truck’s tail gate.  This ‘parking’ skill can be easily expanded upon by asking the horse to side pass up to the trailer tack room when unsaddling after events.  This one thing greatly eases the big step up with a saddle in our arms.

 

8. Keep your horse in shape.  Overly fat horses are often naughty.  Limit the amount of ‘hot’ feed if your horse is feeling fresh, including the lush green grass in springtime.  If you are busy or doubting yourself, it is a good practice to put your horse in training for a month or two before you’ll be spending time together in the spring or summer.  Better yet, enroll in a regular lesson program with your horse throughout the winter.  Keeping your partnership working and feeling fit throughout the year are essential to your safety.

 

9. Don’t cheap out on your equipment.  Good saddles and bridles are expensive, as are classic, comfortable riding clothes.  Why?  They are made of lasting materials and they are designed to comfortably, safely do the job.  While a top quality used saddle might still cost you several thousand dollars, good ones hold their value, regardless of fads and fashions, as long as they’re well maintained.  Many a riding accident has been caused by inexpensive equipment that has failed at a bad time.  Don’t let it happen to you.

 

10. Have a plan in place for the day you’ve finally had enough.  This is a hard one to talk about.  Despite optimistic friends saying otherwise, common sense tells us that there will be a time when we no longer can do what we love to do.  If we’ve built a solid relationship with trustworthy people, they can help us decide when we’re no longer safe.  Sometimes that day comes when the older horse who has carried us well for many years is done and we just don’t have the stomach to start something new.  Sadly, many people are forced to suddenly quit riding because they’ve been hurt and are left no other options.  

 

Is there a way that you can still be involved with horses once you can no longer handle in-the-saddle time?  Mentoring young people who would love your knowledge and support is one way of doing so.  Volunteering at equine events and organizations like local therapeutic riding groups are another.  There are many ways to get that needed ‘horse fix’ without actually riding.

 

If you follow the above tips, especially in the choosing of an honest and safe horse, you should be able to prolong your time in the saddle for as many years as possible.  Peace of mind can be had by having a plan in place to look after your treasured horses, a signed document that is kept in a safe place, in the event that you are no longer able to care for them.  How do we really know when it’s time to hang up our spurs?  We don’t, because everybody is different.  Just having plans made will free up our hearts to do this thing that we so love.

 

The Bottom Line?

 

For many of us, being able to ride is allied to our core health and wellness.  It is essential to who we are.  That said, if we do have fear, it’s important to realize that it is our wisdom, trying to keep us safe.  Often that niggle of doubt is trying to point us towards an area where we can improve our safety.  Riding can and often will change as we grow older. While we lose some of the good things, please know that we will find others, like patience, wisdom, ‘feel’ and mindfulness.

 

So, let’s talk about living well and riding better! What have been your challenges, if any? Do you ever think about the state of your horsemanship as you age?

 

By the way, I may as well admit it. I’m trying to build my email list to offer books and get help with reading chapters and reviews in the future. You are my tribe! Rather than fill your face with pop-ups on the blog page, please, I’d be so grateful if you’d trust me with your email and subscribe with the red button. Thank you!